Welcome to Epic Tech Review!


Awww yeah! I’m so excited, I could shit myself! You motherfuckers asked for it, you got it! I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now, so I finally decided to do it. Let’s have some fun. Welcome to Epic Tech Review!

A lot of you may know me from my OnePlus One forum reviews. In the forum, I go by the name “Colts5609″ . Here at ETR, you can just call me Ishmael Ryan.

First a little disclaimer for all you “prudes” and “proper” folk. Don’t take the words you read on this site too seriously, it’s all in good fun. It’s meant to come across as informative and entertaining. I am a one man wrecking crew here. I don’t have an editor, or anyone to doctor my writing. You are getting it raw. I look over everything, and edit as best as I can, but I am certainly no editor. I am not a professional writer (obviously), nor do I pretend to be one. I love technology and I love talking about technology. That’s why I am here. I just hate that we are so god damn limited by what we can say in the comments section of most tech blogs. Feel free to speak you mind here. Just try not to be a piece of shit. Remember, with great power (say what you want) , comes great responsibility (don’t be a dick). Were all equal here. Unless your comments are threatening, verbally abusive, or you just happen to be a spamming goat fucker, you can feel free to say what you want without moderation here. Ok! Great! We all good? Good, lets keep moving.

I guess you could say this little fucker was my primary inspiration.

Why did I start Epic Tech Review? I guess it all goes back to the OnePlus One and their awesome forum community. I had an idea for a funny, yet informative, review of the amazing Oneplus One smartphone. I figured I would talk to you guys (and girls) in a manner we can all understand. I spoke as if I were shooting the shit with some friends. I thought to myself. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to read about technology in a language we can all relate too? Technology doesn’t need to be fucking boring and PC (politically correct for you morons out there). The answer turned out to be a resounding absofuckinloutely! I wrote my review hoping a few people would find it interesting and maybe slightly humorous.  I was a bit nervous. Would people hate it? Would I get banned for my shitty potty mouth? Much to my surprise, I woke up the next morning hoping to see a few likes and maybe a few comments on my review. I am not often surprised, but when I checked the forums the next day, I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes. I had hundreds of comments, likes, and following notifications, all within about 8 hours time. If a forum post can go viral, I guess that is what it did. A few days later, OnePlus One decided to promote my review on almost all of their official social networking sites. Facebook, Twitter, G+. Once again, my review went crazy, the reception was almost all positive. Except for a few people who just couldn’t handle my shit (even though they were warned), but read the damn thing anyway.  In fact, a bunch a folks requested that I do, exactly what I am doing right now. So if you are one of my many readers and/or followers, thanks bitch!

I love talking about tech, but I can only go so far talking about the OnePlus One. I don’t feel as though it is the appropriate place to talk about the shit I want to talk about, the way I want to talk about it. That is why I am venturing away from the OP forums and starting my own thing. What will I write about? Who the fuck knows. I will try to mainly focus on product reviews & impressions, but I will probably sprinkle in a few opinion pieces here and there. If you have an idea for a product review. Let me hear it. This is not my full time job, but I will post as often as I can. So bookmark, tell your friends, and comeback often.

Thanks for visiting my fucking review site. Y’all come back now, ya hear.

  • Keithnyc

    CLASSIC, dude. Great job and wish you all the best. Thanks for keeping it real in the OPO forums. Look forward to having another great site now….

    • ETR

      Thank you, I hope to post new shit as often as possible!